A single mother who gave up conventional romance to become a sugar baby in her forties says she is treated with cash gifts and a monthly allowance of £ 2,000.
Stella Smith, 44, joined the Seeking Arrangement – – A network that connects attractive, ambitious women with wealthy suitors – – when she was fired from her job in event planning in March.
Stella, from Brent in northwest London, who received more than 100 messages within a few days of setting up her profile, had 58 appointments and had around 20 appointments so far – often with younger men – said, “Before, when I thought Of one Sugar Daddy, I would imagine a rich old man surrounded by beautiful young girls. “
She continued, “But I was surprised that most of the men I met through the site were younger than me – some by as much as 10 years.
“They are established, good-looking people who want a drama-free life and are willing to pay money for it. They don’t want demands or pressure, but they are ready to support me and share what they have. “
Born in Hungary, buried by the father of her children whom she does not want to name when they were little, Stella lived all over the world including New York, United States before settling in London six years ago.
With little time dating between raising her kids and exploring the world, she said, “I’ve only ever had relationships that lasted about a year and I’ve never had a one-night stand in my life.
“I didn’t have a type either. Whenever I split up, the next time I want to choose someone who is completely different. I kept trying to find the perfect match.
“I was protecting my kids and I didn’t want them to feel like I was looking for a surrogate father for them, so I kept my motherhood and dating life very separate.”
When Stella moved to London in 2014, she threw herself into work and juggled dance and gymnastics on the side.
Then, in March, when a national lockdown was imposed to slow the spread of Covid-19 and she was concerned, she started investigating her love story to see where it went wrong.
“I thought about my previous relationships, what was missing and how I could have improved them,” she said. “It wasn’t necessarily about money. I realized I wanted to be with someone who was more successful. I thought a more established man could be more relaxed and fun.”
Armed with a plan, Stella began looking for a more “exclusive” dating site and came across Seeking Arrangement – matching women known as sugar babes with well-heeled men known as sugar daddies, who in return would provide them material benefits in a relationship in dating style.
“I was curious and wanted to try,” she said. “I thought it wouldn’t hurt to find a different kind of relationship than before.”
In early April, Stella created a profile explaining who she was and what she was looking for in a man.
She added, “I didn’t state exactly how much money I wanted or anything. I just said connection was a must, but I’m also looking for financial support.
“It was pretty embarrassing to put all my cards on the table like this.”
Within a few days she had received over 100 messages from interested applicants.
“I’ve been on dating sites long enough to have some real horror stories,” she said. “But everyone at Seeking Arrangement was nice and normal. I felt very welcome.
“Even those I wasn’t interested in were polite and kind, while other sites summon me for turning down men as if their attention was a gift I should be grateful for.”
During the lockdown, Stella didn’t meet any of her games in person and instead got to know some of them virtually and talked over video calls.
When lockdown restrictions eased to allow two households to meet in June, she had spoken to some for two months.
“Not being able to meet in real life meant we had no choice but to take it slow and get to know each other on a deeper level,” she said. “It was really nice to have this company and connection during the lockdown.”
Stella liked 58 of her matches enough to make real appointments but didn’t move on until around 20.
First she met them for socially distant park walks, then when pubs and restaurants reopened in early July, she switched to dining at some of the chicest Michelin-starred restaurants in London instead.
Men not only paid for dinner, but also offered her cash gifts. She said, “They gave me £ 100 as a thank you for dinner or £ 150 to make sure I got home safely. A man was putting a wad of cash in my pocket when I wasn’t looking.
“Because I wasn’t used to something like that, I had to force myself to take it. However, it felt loving, not transactional.”
She added, “Just like with traditional dating, some men I met weren’t as alluring in real life and I had no connection with them, but others I got on well with and kept seeing.”
So far, Stella has been with two men in their sixties and the rest were her age or younger – younger than her with the youngest 10 years.
“I never considered younger men as an option, but 80 percent of those I spoke to and met were younger than me,” she said.
“I’m more attracted to them than I thought. They all look very good, but they are also mature. You will never know that they are younger than me and I ask her advice,” Stella continued. “That’s what it’s about in life – about changes and surprises. “
To date, Stella estimates she received around £ 2,000 in cash as well as a monthly allowance of £ 2,000 from a sugar daddy.
But she wants to emphasize that she doesn’t trade sex for money and that what she does is very different from escorting.
“There are other websites you can access but I don’t,” she said. “This is not about sex – it is about society and about finding someone who shares my values. Financial support is only one aspect.
“I’ve never felt the pressure to sleep with the men I’ve met. They don’t expect it either – they don’t even expect a kiss.
“I am a very friendly and warm person, but I also made sure to make my boundaries clear.”
After years of struggling as a single mom, Stella, who prefers the word “arrangement” to “relationship” when describing what she’s doing, now says that finding the site was “life changing”.
Fortunately, she has not experienced any negativity so far and hopes that by sharing her story she will encourage others to less judge unconventional forms of dating.
She concluded: “I’ve met extraordinary men with whom I would otherwise not have crossed paths.”
“The good thing about Seeking Arrangement is that you put all your cards on the table and talk early about exactly what you want in a relationship,” she added.
“There are couples who have been married for years and haven’t had this conversation.
“I found traditional dating almost like a big shopping mall with so many offers that you don’t know where to look. It’s much more exclusive.”