93+ Vampire Puns & Jokes That Will Make You ROFL

Do you like puns and jokes? If so, you’ll love this blog! In today’s world, vampires are all the rage. But don’t worry, we’re here to help you make sense of it all. From vampire puns to jokes about vampire movies, we’ve got you covered. So whether you’re a fan of the undead or just looking to have a little fun, we hope you enjoy our vampire-themed blog post! Here, we will be sharing some of our favorite vampire puns and jokes.


Vampire Puns

vampire puns

Are you looking for some fun vampire puns to share with your friends? Or maybe you’re curious about the latest vampire trends? Either way, we’ve got you covered. Here, we’ll provide you all things vampire, let’s explore some of the funniest vampire puns!

  • “I knew a vampire who gave up acting because he couldn’t find a role he could get his teeth in to.”
  • “Imagine if vampires had blunt teeth and couldn’t bite you. They would just suck.”
  • “If vampires have no reflection, how do they do their hair?”
  • “Went to a Halloween fancy dress party dressed as Dracula and ate all the food. I was Vampire the Buffet Slayer.”
  • “Apparently vampires drink blood because coffee keep them awake all day.”
  • “A recent poll has shown that vampires are actually vegetarian. They all hate stakes.”
  • “Only way to kill a French vampire is to stab it in its heart with a baguette. But the whole damn process is painstaking.”
  • “To kill a French vampire, you need to stick a baguette through his heart. It’s painstaking.”
  • “The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.”
  • “I know an elderly vampire. He’s quite long in the tooth.”
  • “The local vampire social club is constantly gritting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood.”
  • “Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.”
  • “A vampire split up with his girlfriend after she had a blood test. She wasn’t his type.”
  • “My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters. She’s the new Miss Stake.”
  • What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
  • What do you get if you cross a vampire with a laptop? Love at first byte.
  • I used to work with a vampire. They were a real pain in the neck.
  • I knew a vampire who became a poet. He went from bat to verse.
  • What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail? A Bloody Mary.
  • Being a vampire really sucks.
  • I’m thinking of joining my local vampire club. Apparently they’re always looking for new blood.
  • Why did the vampire break up with her boyfriend? Because he wasn’t her type.
  • Are elderly vampires long in the tooth?
  • Where do vampires keep their money? In the blood bank.
  • I used to know a vampire actor.
  • Vampires are always looking for their necks victim.
  • He gave up because he couldn’t find a role he could really get his teeth into.
  • How do vampires travel across the sea? On blood vessels.
  • Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music? His Bach was worse than his bite.
  • If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?

Vampire Jokes

vampire jokes

Do you love jokes about vampires, but don’t know where to start? Look no further! Here, we’ve compiled the best jokes about vampires, so you can start laughing off those blood-sucking fiends. From hilarious vampire jokes to jokes about vampire movies, we’ve got you covered. So whether you’re a fan of vampire jokes or just looking for a good laugh, you’ll not be disappointed.

  •  On reflection, vampires aren’t actually that scary.
  • You can’t ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They’re way too busy looking for their necks victim.
  • Fang you very much.
  • I hope you have a fang-tastic Halloween!
  • The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
  • I’ve always been a little bit batty.
  • The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
  • Fangs for the memories.
  • I met the child of a snowman and a vampire. He was suffering from a serious case of frostbite.
  • College-age vampires only ever shop in one place – Forever 21.
  • A vampire can’t be a comedian. They just aren’t funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
  • Vampires hate the sea because it’s salty. They much prefer to go fishing in the blood stream.
  • I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn’t find a role he could sink his teeth into.
  • Vampires hate peaches, but they love neck-tarines.
  • Vampires tend to drink Blood Light, but only from a longneck bottle.
  • Once I invited 10 vampires over for a dinner party. I made the fatal mistake and put garlic in the dressing. People are calling it Buffet The Vampire Slayer.
  • I fell out with my best friend because he didn’t invite me to his Halloween party. I hope it sucks.
  • If you’re wondering if someone’s become a vampire, there’s an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
  • If you want to kill a French vampire, you will need to stab him with a baguette. It’s pretty painstaking if you ask me..
  • Vampires tend to stay away from Taylor Swift. I’ve been told it’s because she has bad blood.
  • Don’t get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
  • A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn’t his type.
  • There’s a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
  • I’d advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
  • A vampire’s torch never runs out of juice. They have an unlimited supply of bat-teries
  • The other day I got really down, and felt like I totally sucked. A vampire cheered me up though, he told me we all get drained every now and again.
  •  I know an old man who’s a vampire. He’s quite long in the tooth.
  • I just did a DNA test and found out I’m a vampire. I’m so ashamed, I can’t even look in the mirror.
  • Take a vampire to a bar, and you don’t need to ask what he wants to drink. He’ll have a Bloodweiser.
  • Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can’t deal with the stakeholders.
  • All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
  • My friend was caught stealing from our local shop while sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
  • I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank

Jokes About Vampires

jokes about vampires

Do you love funny vampire jokes? We do, and that’s why we’ve compiled the best of the best in this roundup of hilarious vampire jokes. From puns to clever jokes, we’ll have something for everyone in this collection of hilarious vampire jokes. So put on your vampire cape and enjoy!

  • Vampires can always Count on me.
  • My friend who’s a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
  • Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
  • I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
  • Dracula really doesn’t have any other vampire friends. It’s because he’s a total pain in the neck.
  • Vampires don’t often eat fruit, but when they do they like a blood orange best.
  • I don’t know what Dracula’s address is, but I’m pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
  • Dracula is vegan, he can’t take any risks. One stake could kill him.
  • You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can’t handle the stakes.
  • I asked a vampire if he liked Halloween puns. He told me he thought the best kind of humour was irony.
  • I was told Dracula had turned over a new leaf after hearing some of my Count Dracula jokes. He’s been re-vamped.
  • Vampires always seem like they’re ill. It’s probably because they’re always coffin.
  • A group of vampire hunters needed to talk about the best tactics, so they decided to schedule a stakeholders meeting.
  • I went to a party dressed up as Count Dracula and ate all the snacks. My costume was Vampire The Buffet Slayer.
  • A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn’t faulty or anything, he just said he couldn’t see himself using it.
  • The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I’d do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
  • An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don’t see it coming, and then they dawn on them.
  • Vampires are not very adventurous when you take them to a bar. They always just order a Bloody Mary.
  • Q: Where do vampires eat their lunch? A: At the casketeria.
  • Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A: The vampire only sucks blood at night.
  • Q: Why did the vampire keep acting all batty? A: It was in his blood.
  • Q: How does a hacker vampire kill its victims? A: With a kill-o-byte.
  • Q: What did the child vampire say before going to bed? A: “Turn on the dark mummy, I’m scared of the light.”
  • Q: Why don’t vampires like mosquitos? A: Too much competition.
  • Q: Do you know why I broke up with my vampire girlfriend? A: Because she sucked the life out of me.
  • Q: Why did the vampire go to the blood bank? A: He needed to make a withdrawal!
  • Q: Why are vampire clans so loyal? A: Because blood is thicker than water.
  • Why did Dracula divorce his wife after she took a blood test? She wasn’t his type.
  • Q: Why don’t mosquitoes bite vampires? A: As a professional courtesy.
  • Q: How many vampires will it take to change a light bulb? A: None, why would they need it.

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We hope you enjoyed this blog on vampire puns and jokes! In this post we shared some of the best vampire puns and jokes that will make you laugh. We know that laughter is the best medicine, so we hope you found this post amusing. We found these jokes to be particularly hilarious, so we wanted to share them with you. We hope you enjoyed them as much as we did. Please leave a comment and let us know if you found any other vampire puns or jokes that you liked! We would love to hear from you.

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